Dr. Henry Cloud
God has called you to be a steward over a vision. The big leadership question: Are you going to allow “this guy” to stop your vision? Whatever the issue is…non-performance, poisonous attitude, etc.
Diagnostic question: What does a person do when the truth comes to them? You cannot deal with every person the same. You have to diagnose who you are talking to to and deal with them appropriately so that you will not lose your mission or your joy.
Three categories of people:
1. Some people are wise
When the light comes to them, they adjust themselves to get into the light.
When the truth comes to them, that person adjusts themselves (changes)
When you confront them you get a smiley face. They thank you.
Wise people consider feedback to be a gift.
If you determine “that guy” is wise, then talk to them, coach them, resource them, encourage them.
Make sure they are a match for what you need. You can have a wise person but they may not be gifted for what you need them to do.
Keep them challenged appropriately.
2. Some people are fools
The fool may be the brightest and most gifted at the table. They can get results. They have charisma. That’s how they got so far. But…
When the light comes to them, they adjust the light. They try to dim it. They are allergic to it.
When the truth comes to them, they try to change the truth.
They shoot the messenger. “If you would just give me more responsibility. etc.”
They deny, minimize, externalize. No smiley face. They are not happy…they get angry.
With the wise person you talk to them, and they will love you for it. But with the foolish person, the Bible says “do not confront or correct a fool.”
Strategy: Stop Talking! Why? They have stopped your vision and plan.
Have the conversation about the problem about how talking about problems doesn’t help. “I don’t know how to give you feedback in a way that changes anything.” “I’m hopeless and I have to protect our vision or culture.” “I need to limit my exposure to this problem.” “I want to know how I can talk to you where what we talk about can make a difference.” “What do you feel when I correct you?” “What are we going to do when I change the way I talk to you and nothing changes?”
Fools do not change when truth comes to them and they can get rid of. Fools change when truth comes to them that they can camp out in. And the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of staying the same.
The leadership challenge is to limit your exposure, make it clear about the consequences, give them a choice, and then follow through.
3. Some people are just plain evil
Destruction is in their hearts – they want to inflict pain.
Strategy: protection mode
Personal Insight: I need to get his book “Necessary Endings” and maybe read some of his other books as well. He’s a great communicator. This was a very good session! Boy – I don’t want to be the fool!