I have a huge burden on my heart. I’ve got to share this story with you as it is very personal and very meaningful. Thank you very much for taking time out of your busy schedule and reading this with an open mind and heart.
Here it goes…
I had a dream two nights ago. It was the most vivid dream I can recall. Two days later, I cannot shake the images or the importance of this dream.
I was driving down the road in a big car (something like a cadillac) with a large, spacious trunk. My two younger kids were in the car with me.
[For those of you who don’t know, I have four kids. My two younger children are Caleb (10) and Grace (7)]
Next thing I knew, I was being pulled over by a police officer. I knew I wasn’t speeding so I was curious why in the world this would be happening. I got out of my car and started walking toward the police car while at the same time the officer was getting out of his car and coming toward me.
The next words out of his mouth answered my question. “We have reason to believe you have the body of [a person] in your trunk. He went missing and we believe you killed him.
Immediately, my mind recalled exactly what this officer was talking about. Indeed, there was a body in my trunk. My mind could remember that it happened but it couldn’t remember how or why it happened.
I had a choice to make. I could resist arrest and run for it. I could try to explain myself and start begging for forgiveness before opening the trunk. Or…
I went to my glove compartment and took out a flathead screwdriver. I walked to the back of the car and started fiddling with the lock. I didn’t have a key. It wasn’t that simple.
Once I got the lock disengaged, I simply stepped back from the trunk and raised my hands in surrender. I said absolutely nothing.
The cop opened the trunk to reveal exactly what I had remembered was in there. A large trash bag. It must have been obvious to him and to me that the bag was exactly what he was looking for, although it didn’t necessarily take on the shape of a body.
My silent surrender was very intentional. I was literally speechless. Stripped of any excuse. I was tired of having this body in my trunk and I was willing to pay the price once and for all!
The next part of this dream is where it gets real graphic.
With my hands up on the air, I fell to my knees. The officer then asked me two questions. They had to do with two things that I have struggled with over my life. My answer to the first inquiry was, “No, I don’t struggle with that now.” My answer to that second question was, “Yes, I am guilty of that but I have dealt with it and it is in my past.”
With compassion and empathy in his voice, the officer then told me that he asked me those two questions because they are the common m.o. of people who end up in this position – a dead body in the trunk of their car. Oddly enough, “Have you ever murdered anyone before” was not one of the questions. Ha!
After the officer asked me those two questions, he did something that I would have never expected or imagined.
Not in a million years.
The officer bent down and kissed me on the neck.
…and then I woke up!
ALLOW ME TO CUT TO THE CHASE:
God kissed me two nights ago.
Do you believe the Bible is speaking the truth when it talks about God visiting people in their dreams and speaking to them through those encounters? I do!
And I believe that’s exactly what he did to me in my dream two nights ago.
I woke up and immediately started thanking God for answering my prayers for the larger part of this last decade of my life (hence the fact that Caleb and Grace were both in the car with me).
I have been carrying around some serious baggage. It’s been in the trunk of my car far too long.
Sure, It’s been dealt with…outwardly. I’ve made amends. I’ve asked for forgiveness. I’ve taken positive steps to be able to say with full assurance that I am not that same person anymore.
I have even tried to believe that God was truly not counting my past against me. And there were times when I truly DID believe it! But there were also times when I made agreements with the enemy that just were not true. I agreed with the lies that I was forever flawed. I was a “waste of space.” I was as good as “invisible.” I was the reason anything and everything was going wrong – in church, at home, etc.
All the while I would preach and teach grace for others.
I believed it…really, I did!
I just couldn’t accept it for myself.
Well, my take-away from this dream is that God has visited me in the most vivid way possible to tell me this:
“Adam, you don’t have to carry this baggage around any longer. You’ve surrendered. You’ve opened the lock which you couldn’t even find the key for. You’ve seen the ambiguous shapeless container of your sin in the form of a big black trash bag. You don’t quite know why it happened or how it got relegated to the trunk of your mind and heart for so long, but now that the trunk is open and your guilt is being subjected to the light, you are now free of this burden.”
“You still don’t believe me? Then I will surprise you with this…my kiss.”
“There is nothing left to feel guilty about. There is no reason to doubt my promises. When Jesus described me as the father who runs toward his prodigal son, embracing him and kissing him, he is telling the truth about me. And it’s time for you to subject yourself to this once and for all.”
“You are free, Adam. You are loved, Adam. My grace is sufficient for you, Adam.”
I’M TELLING YOU, I SAW GOD SPEAK TO ME IN MY DREAM AND IT WILL FOREVER CHANGE MY LIFE.
Graphic grace, ladies and gentlemen.
…or perhaps I SHOULD say,